almost happy?

being ‘happy’ is something i don’t feel very familiar with. really – what does that mean? maybe i’m just too gloomy most of the time (actually, i know i am), but the idea of ‘happy,’ whatever it is, is mostly foreign to me. people throw that word around all the time: speaking of wanting to be happy or ‘finding’ happiness. i’m not really sure if  the definition ‘happiness’ is a feeling, a state of being, or something else… but it seems nearly impossible to actually have it.

but, for a couple of days this week i have felt good in a weird (for me) way. it’s not because i’ve had really interesting days at school or anything spectacular like that. instead, it’s something of a good feeling about life - it may be something borderlining on almost happy.  (???)

i’m inclined to think that this ‘almost happiness’ is something that doesn’t depend on the absence of horribly mundane classes, sleep depravation, weird disruptive maintenance issues at my place of living,  stress, etc. i’m even more inclined to think that this weird inner almost-happy (i really don’t know how else to describe it) thing is something from Above.

it is so easy to be so caught up in day-to-day life and not have an awareness of God’s presence, the reality of who He is and what He has done for us. it is so easy to feel distant from Him, caught up in this life like it’s some kind of ‘bubble,’ still wishing for some sense of transcendence but not getting anywhere near it – and becoming used to such an existence. so, what does this have to do with this weird ‘almost-happy’ feeling that i am having all of a sudden? here’s what i think it is: i really have felt God’s presence the last few days – He is there, and it really amazes me.

on that note:

=)